In an ironic way, I am content with my early years of religious training and indoctrination. The questions coming from childhood brainwashing became the silver-lining that encouraged me to read, study, and research in many fields of learning and to be exposed to innovative ideas from many writers and thinkers. This self-questioning forced me to deeply look within myself, listen to intuitive feedback coming from transgenerational inheritance, and to gather the fortitude to finally break away from that poisonous early conditioning. Paradoxically, that early training set me on fire and on a life course of searching for exculpatory evidence for the mysterious truths in Nature, and in human nature. It set me on an amazing journey and opened up a bright sky where I am trying to find my place in this world and to answer the questions, “Who am I?,” and “What am I?” It is a journey I plan to continue the rest of my life. The Theory of Balanceology is a reflection and a presentation of where I currently stand in this journey.
Initially I wanted to continue to endorse my childhood taught beliefs. I so, so, so wanted to believe! However, I had this eruptive gut-level hunger that demanded I initiate a path of finding for myself truth. I knew I had to interrupt, eradicate, and stamp-out painful childhood teachings. Serendipitously, interestingly, and counterintuitively I came to realize that it was only because I so profoundly believed in supernaturalism, and only as I took it as a personal affront that lead me astray, could I reposition myself and reject it. I realized that man-made supernatural based magic and superstition was spiritually destroying me. For a long time I just needed to be angry at my sententious bete noire indoctrinators. I had to confirm and confront this unnerving unnatural emotional, psychological, and spiritual abusive conditioning in order to journey beyond it. It took me time to muster up the courage to dis-identify and make an auto-deportational diversion from this negative unnatural worldview. I had to gradually reassemble, rebuild and give birth to a positive naturalistic worldview. Because of this battle I have unquestionably and permanently disassociated myself from the years of nonsensical indoctrinated supernatural dogma.
In my mid-twenties there ignited in me an intense battle centered around an anachronistic horse-and-buggy childhood supernatural worldview, and building a definitional natural worldview that I could live by. My dualistic battle became an infuriating, formidable, and daunting task to repeal-and-replace an obsolete moth-eaten worldview. My dualistic battlefield became a fierce insistent, persistent, consistent internal struggle between adhering to an unnatural supernaturalism proclaiming to have truths, and a strong intuitive push-up into consciousness calling me to chart a course of investigating the nature of reality for myself —> discover my own truths. A heuristic self-investigative process where I hoped to discover truth(s) and if there is higher meaning and purpose that can be found in the natural world. It took a real contentious internal struggle over many years to make a self-abnegation of denouncing, castigating, and disavowing the profound travesty of man-made unnatural dogmas, doctrines, beliefs, and values. It required years of tediously disassembling and progressively dismantling a stamped-in childhood supernatural worldview.
As a child, in a Catholic school, I was taught (against my will) about venial sins and those mortal sins that could send me to Hell for Eternity. But there was a purgatory I could go to where my sins could be expunged away. I vividly remember at the age of seven being told by a nun that if I ate a piece of meat on Friday and died that night –-> I will burn in Hell forever. To underscore how ridiculous this can be in a child’s mind, one Friday I consumed vegetable soup. After swallowing the soup my sister told me the label said there were beef balls in the soup. Wow! I had committed a mortal sin. I begged God to not let me die that night so I would not go to Hell. I was taught about original sin, virgin births, winged angels, the evils of sex, and on and on ad nauseam. I was taught the dualistic concepts of heaven/hell, saints/sinners, and good/evil. A young gullible mind can be tainted and trained to believe the unbelieveable –> to think the unthinkable. Unconscionably, this Pre-reformation nonsense was being promulgated and indoctrinated into the minds of 20th Century children. Why, tell me why would any religion that taught there is a loving God burden the mind of a child (or adult with a childish mind) with such asinine beliefs? Why are so many Christians unchristian? Why are they so angry, hateful, bigoted, fearful, and burdened with a schadenfreude trait towards anyone daring to differ with them theologically? I was first visited with religious wrath by a nun when I was 16. I was a junior at St. James High School, and a friend of mine and I skipped out of Mass. Sr. John Mary caught us, and stupid concrete thinking me said we were looking for our books in the bushes. That “Christian” made my life miserable for the rest of the year with her dirty judgmental stares. Unlucky me had her for my algebra teacher that year. Looking back on it now I think this was one of the initial cracks, and the beginning of the end that instituted my rebellion, nullification, and final deliverance from an unfashionable supernatural worldview.
I was raised a Roman Catholic. That is raised, not born! There is a huge difference between being born with a trait and being conditioned to a belief. We are born with hair color, eye features, skeletal structure, etc. but not to religious beliefs. We are taught the beliefs of a religion and that education usually comes from our parents and the religion they belong to. I attended 12-years of Catholic schooling. I was initially completely receptive to whatever the nuns and priests taught. Like many good demure Catholic boys I thought of becoming a priest. To think if I had entered the priesthood, I would have opened a door to an emotional, psychological, and spiritual rat-hole. I would have entombed myself in a repressive and depressive bottomless pit, an endless supercilious maze with little hope of escape. I am fortunate I have a rebellious streak in me, and I was able to be open-minded, skeptically-minded and broad-minded enough to ask many questions. Today I look back on those incredulous religious beliefs, those ensnared stamped-in infectious virus doctrines as repellant, unimaginable, and fantastical.
Dualistic religions always have good guys and bad guys. Religions appear to get some distorted pleasure in having protagonistic forces vs. antagonistic forces at work. The core dualism for Christianity (core trauma and drama) is the battle between good and evil. This good-evil (good/bad) dichotomy only leads to my religion is good (right) and your religion is bad (wrong). This good-evil dichotomy is a huge naturalistic fallacy violator with the many value judgments made about Nature and human nature. The dualistic concepts of spirit-body, hell-heaven, saints-devils, and good-evil have come to view human nature as sinful. Many religions scathingly denounce, pharisaically assault, and duplicitously make an attack on human nature, and human needs by twisting and making a complete mischaracterization of what it means to be a human being.
Dualistic religions preach about saints and sinners. We have sanctimonious preachers who appear to enjoy ranting about the raining down of fire from Heaven on us earthly sinners. Dualistic religions introduced the supernatural forces of saints and devils, and good angels competing with bad angels. Religions created farfetched opposing superbeings constantly in battle competing for the souls of us ordinary bone-blood humans. Unfortunately, many individuals pay homage to these outlandish man-made super-creatures. Let me give a couple examples of how humans can believe the unbelieveable: 1.) it is difficult for me to understand how anyone can believe in guardian angels that protect a person (some say reside on our shoulder), or 2.) Catholic Church dogma saying that if there is “proof” of two miracles produced in the name of a deceased person that person can become a “saint.”