In previous posts, I spent time discussing Deeper-Love and how it required intimacy, union, devotion, respect, and commitment. Now I introduce some controversy and ask, “Is it possible for the average human being to be in a lifelong committed relationship with another human being?” Robert Wright gives extensive anthropological evidence that of 1154 societies and cultures researched, 980 allow men to have more than one wife. (1994) Wright considers human males to be polygamous by nature. Einstein is reported to have said that, “monogamy is not natural.”
It appears that humans are a variety-seeking species for many things, and sex is one area many of us desire variation. How does sexual variety-seeking hinder the building of committed relationships? It appears that the majority of males are promiscuous, if not in reality than maybe in fantasy. The discrepancy between males or females having many partners may not be as great as it once was but big picture males seek more sex partners. Like it or not, agree with it or not, but males will be males. Doesn’t matter time in history, religious upbringing, geographical location, or culture —–> males are males. One of the reasons for males seeking multiple partners is genetically based: “human males have biological reasons to seek multiple partners – the better to spread their genes around and thus leave relatively more of them to the next generation.” (Eldredge, 2004) Promiscuity and cheating have always been part of our sexual experience, and I can assure at this point in human evolution that will not change.
Colman and Colman suggest that, “as a culture, our profound deficiency is in long-term interpersonal relationships.” (1975) Is it true that human males (maybe females too) are polygamous by nature? If males are polygamous by nature what does that mean for relationship commitments? Is it possible for humans to be in two or more basic-love relationships, or two or more deeper-love relationships at the same time? Is there such a thing as Triadic Love? Is monogamy a myth for the vast majority of humans? Is being in a committed relationship a myth for the vast majority of humans? Is it true that nothing lasts forever? Interesting and scary questions that each one of us should contemplate and find reasonable answers to. If someone wants to attempt answering some of these questions, please share your ideas with the rest of us.