Basic-Love: Conditions

In the previous post I stated that another level of love is Basic-Love.  The entire thesis of Basic-Love is that as two people grow-in-love, their love develops and matures.  And, I suggest that Baisc-Love probably has some of the following conditions:  1.)  Acceptance – The couple comes to accept each other without trying to change the other. Carl Rogers used the term “unconditional positive regard.” (1951) Unconditional positive regard is acceptance without controlling, game playing, manipulation, or judging. You accept the other person; their strengths and their weaknesses. There is a realization that all human beings have imperfections. We are far from being a perfect species. Each one of us is far from being a perfect person. Acceptance is making a significant attempt to understand the undesirable features of the other person and not judge them because of those flaws, 2.) Mutuality – A growing love is one that follows a two-way street where the couple give and share of themselves. Lewis Presnall said there must be, “a realization that all adult love is experienced in sharing.” (1959) Martin Buber felt, “all reality is an activity in which I share without being able to appropriate for myself. Where there is no sharing there is no reality.” (1958) I contend that only when a person stops living for only the Self, can there be a movement from a unilaterality of the Self to a mutuality with another person. A couple comes to understand that mutual love is a “reciprocal phenomenon, whereby the receiver also gives, and the giver receives.” (Peck, 1978), 3.) Attention – Lovers pay attention to each other. To attend to <—> is to listen to. I maintain that love has to include being present with the other person and saying, “I am here <—> I hear you.” To listen to includes the important attribute of empathy. M. SPeck suggested that, “the principal form that the work of love takes is attention. When we love another we give him or her our attention;  we attend to that person’s growth.” (1978), 4.) Nurturance – We care for the person we love by giving him/her nurturance. Nurturance means to nourish, to help grow, to care for, to attend to, and to aid in the development of the loved person. Nurturance involves  affectional caring, physical caring, and for romantic love sexual caring. Caring is being present emotionally, psychologically, physically, and spiritually for and with the other person. Nurturance includes patience and kindness. I support  the idea that someone who is good-to-you  <–> is good-for-you, and  5.) Actions -relate to the fifth condition of basic-love. We demonstrate love through actions. Action includes words. We humans need to hear that we are loved and we need to hear that often. Basic-love is also demonstrated through actionable behaviors of spending time together, small expressions of kindness, honest communication, and to some degree material gifts. But according to Erich Fromm, “the most important sphere of giving, however, is not that of material things, but lies in specifically the human realm.”  (1956)  Feel free to comment, add, subtract on the five conditions of Basic-Love.

love acceptance

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