Pseudo-Love: Falling-in-Love

Falling-in-love is the final condition of Pseudo-Love I will discuss. I previously discussed the conditions of infatuation and love-sickness, and now I review falling-in-love. Falling-in-love is often being blinded-by-love. To fall-in-love happens frequently, and each of us can ask how many times have, “I fallen-in-love?” Erich Fromm felt, “this attitude that nothing is easier than love has continued to be the prevalent idea about love in spite of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is starting with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly as love.” (1956) I ask, “Why do I even bother to try to find love when it has so often failed?” And, Judith Viorst tells me “we try to love,” and “we try and keep trying because an unconnected life is not worth living. A life of solitude cannot be born.” (1986) I discovered the hard way that falling-in-love often entails large amounts of game playing. Games of manipulation, deceit, or feigned affection. There is no such thing as innocuous love games, because such games often include unrequited and unreturned love. There are a lot of players out there. To use a more modern term, there is a lot of catfishing out there. In playing pseudo-games of love huge amounts of energy is used in asking the question, “Does he/she love me?” over and over again. It is unfortunate there is something in human nature that allows our need for love to devolve into a minefield, gamefield or a battlefield. With pseudo-love there exists a fine-line and a short-line between love and hate. Pseudo-love can easily morph from being a love-story into a hate-story. I attest there is not a great distance between loving and loathing. I learned that a betterness for someone can easily devolve into a bitterness against someone. For W. W. Broadbent, “the basic assumption here is that the essence of belonging or being loved is not to try to manipulate others for it – not to seduce for it, demand, cajole, grovel nor pout for it.”  (1976) Feel free to add to the discussion on the Pseudo-love condition of falling-in-love.


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