Pseudo-Love: Infatuation

One aspect of the Pseudo level of love is infatuation.  I ask, “Who among us has not been infatuated with another person at some point in our life?” I suspect at one time or another we have all experienced a kind of magnitizing effect that takes place with pseudo-love. This infatuation condition often has a magnification of another person that is intense, melodramatic, and possessive. In this intense possessiveness jealousy is often present. This jealousy is about spending time with and doing things with the desired person. Infatuation is often time-limited (usually months – less frequently years). For me, the initial attraction was often sexual and physical in nature.  Over time, and with enough experiences, I have come to understand Frank Tallis saying, “most relationships based primarily on sexual attraction will not survive,” for “desire must be complemented by amity.” (2004) It appears that in our sexually oriented culture where sex is easier to get, paradoxically it is harder to find love. Infatuation can lead to marriage but according to Sidney Jourard, “people marry for many reasons, and few people marry for love, because few people are able to love persons they marry at the time they marry them. They marry an image, not a person.” (1968)  I suspect that misdirected, misjudged, misguided, and misunderstood marriages won’t last. When the fantasy image wears off the initial attraction is gone. Glenn Wilson maintained that, “after a certain period of marriage most people’s libido, sex and fantasies, and ‘romantic love,’ are likely to be directed elsewhere.” (1981) I invite the readers to share any experiences of infatuation you have experienced in your life.

Infatuation

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