Belonging – Family

The Theory of Balanceology dictates that the basal Belonging-Need surely includes  interpersonal family connections. For Sidney Jourard, “the family is the civilian equivalent of marine boot camp. It is supposed to prepare people for the combats and joys of life.” (1971) In a family environment that is based on support, warmth, trust, structure, and guidance —> cared for children grow up emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and socially prepared to face the world.  Cared for children become caring adults. No one can protect and nurture family, like family!  An early protecting, nurturing environment will provide the child with the skills to explore his/her needs to belong. In a child’s early years of bonding and connecting hopefully a basic sense of trust is developed. An early sense of support, caring, warmth, and trust provide the child the skills to explore his basal Self-Needs for security, worth, empowerment, and enjoyment. Yes, we are biologically born with a strong desire to bond and connect, but this need must be given an environment to flourish and be activated on. Early rejection, neglect, abuse of all kinds, a sense of mistrust will seriously hamper the child’s ability to form bonds of attachment and affiliation. Shapiro said, “kindness and consideration are part of a child’s genetic coding, but if these traits are not nourished they will disappear,” and “when children are unkind, thoughtless and even cruel, most of the time we can trace the reasons for this ‘unnatural’ behavior back to the home.” I absolutely agree with Howard saying, “call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” (2006) I assure you that a child not belonging to a family sanctuary will be on a lifelong search to become part of one.



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