Post coitum omne animal triste est

In recent posts I have been discussing that we humans our born with  a desire to experience. express, and satisfy a  sexual need.  However, I suggest this need cannot be satisfied by promiscuity.  Mindless sex (endless obsessive and compulsive sexual expression) might give temporary sexual release and relief but it probably isn’t the best path for true sexual fulfillment and satisfaction. I profoundly agree with Mark Epstein that, “sexual passion must be lived to understand its limitations, fantasies of gratification of unfulfilled needs must be understood as fantasies in order for actual gratification to be appreciated.” (1995) Otto and Mann refer to the commodity-oriented person (1976) In a sexually repressive, yet pornographic culture such as ours sexual wants can be easily obtained. For the commodity-oriented person the goal is self-gratification and sexual relief. However, this relief is only temporary and is followed by another, and another, and yet another round of sexual  expression and relief. Ultimately, most individuals will come to the conclusion that with mindless-endless sex something is missing. Unbridled sexuality is usually about trying to fill an unbearable void in one’s life —> some need is not being satisfied. For mindless-endless sex the saying, “post coitum omne animal triste est,” or “after sexual intercourse every animal is sad,” seems to apply.

For Erich Fromm, “the search for the sexual organism assumes a function which makes it not very different from alcoholism and drug addiction. It becomes a desperate attempt to escape the anxiety engendered by separateness, and it results in an ever-increasing sense of separateness,  since the sexual act  without love never bridges the gap between 2 human beings, except momentarily.”  (1956)



Sexual Orientation

To be different brings prejudice and that difference applies to race, various ethnic groups, the mentally ill, the physically disabled, and LGBTQ individuals.  A lot of prejudice and discrimination is related to ignorance and fear of the unknown. And, a lot of  prejudice and discrimination is related to power, dominance, and control over others. This control can emanate from various political, judicial, medical, and even religious communities. Much of this prejudice is tied into our human nature and cultural values. That is, the reality of various minority groups being different from my reality and values makes their reality wrong. The end result is the demonization and dehumanization of people who are different. This post addresses LGBTQ individuals. There has been a long machinational process based on animosity and repulsion towards the LGBTQ Community. Doesn’t prejudice towards LGBTQ individuals seem to carry additional hypocrisy when it comes from the religious community? Instead of trying to understand LGBTQ individuals, the religious community has been more one of “peccatum illud horrible inter christianos non nominandum,”  or, “that horrible crime not to be named by Christians.”  I wonder if Rev. Carlton Pearson is correct when he contended that“I would say that the more a preacher or moral leader talks about the evils of sex or homosexuality, the more likely it is that he’s engaging in exactly that behavior in the shadows.” (2010)


Free PDF

In my desire to advance the Theory of Balanceology, I have decided to make my book, Balanceology: The 4 M’s of motivation, meaning, measurement, mitigation, free upon request. The Theory of Balanceology is a nature-based theoretical and therapeutic model. It is the study of what it requires to live a life in balance and health. It is the study of how each one of us has to figure-out and discover life’s delicate balance. The central idea of the theory and therapeutic mode is generated from Nature’s time-honored leanings towards balance. The Big Idea and backbone of the theory is “Balance Is Everything.” The model theorizes that humans are motivated to satisfy our inborn natural needs (M-1), and thus add meaning to our life (M-2).  When a person is having personal and/or interpersonal problems, an assessment and measurement (M-3) is made of the current level of meeting needs, and the degree of dysfunctional symptoms. Need satisfaction and symptoms determine the level a person is in-or-out of balance, and in-or-out of health. Mitigation (M-4) involves building the personal and interpersonal skills it will require to better meet and satisfy needs, and thus lower unhealthy symptoms. I believe the Theory of Balanceology can be a model of hope for those individuals who have made the choice to become the architect of their life, by taking charge of their life. The author invites readers to adapt ideas and concepts that make sense to you, but not to completely adopt them:  i. e. think-for-yourself and make up your own mind. Thus, the model encourages readers to build a worldview, philosophy, vision, mission, and values that make sense.

The model gravitates towards those individuals who can image the existence of worlds beyond their own. It is directed at those curious people who are not offended by alternative worldviews, but instead are actively searching for additional ways to view the world.  Warning #1: the model will give the reader a nontraditional intellectual, emotional, psychological, and spiritual “workout.” Warning #2: This model seriously dares to criticize and challenge certain political, cultural, and religious sacred cows (sometimes with colorful language), and will offend and anger some readers. I know this theoretical and therapeutic paradigm will not be a cup-of-tea for everyone.

If this model sounds like something you are interested in knowing more about, please email a formal request to, for a free copy. A PDF copy (378 pages) will be attached to your email and send back to you. Please add the demographic data related to your name, highest educational level, occupation, age, sex, city of residence, and country. Of course, if your preference is a published bounded copy of the book, please go to, or Barnes and Nobles and order one. However, why purchase a copy of my book when you can get a PDF copy for free.

Bk Cvr3

Repression and Pornography

For the last several posts I have been focusing on human sexuality.  The Theory of Balanceology, theorizes that we have a sexual need that has the potential to take us  to deeper levels of understanding ourselves, and connecting with another human being.  I have wondered what role pornography plays in human sexuality. Niles Eldredge said, “pornography in the United States alone is a multibillion dollar industry.  Peep shows, sex shops, nude dancing.” (2004) I wonder if it  is possible to discuss pornography from two points of view? 1.) Healthy pornography -> Can a certain amount of pornographic material be healthy? I have found that erotic literature, sex toys, magazines, videos can be fun and healthy entertainment. Such materials can be useful in sexual arousal and play. The majority of us males (maybe females too) have had our fair share of “pornographic materials.” However, I agree with Thomas Moore that, “most of us learn soon enough that erotic literature or entertainment, even as any form of sexual gratification is not satisfying,” and for the experimenter, “pornography is more a mystery than a problem.” (1998 2.) Unhealthy pornography –> Does the problem arise when scintillation becomes obsession? Is there a problem if pornography is used to meet basic sexual needs, and is a substitute for deeper (intimate) sexual experiences? There appears to be a significant correlation between repression and perversion. If excessive pornography is an attempt to meet one’s need to belong with, and to love another human being, there is a problem.  Niles Eldredge  said, “sex sells,” and our culture buys a lot of sex. The question is, “What does excessive pornography do to a person?” And, more important I ask, “What does excessive pornography do to an entire culture?” Something to think about.

images pornography

Sexual Repression

In the Theory of Balanceology,  human sex and sexuality are presented as an inborn deeper need that we must address.  Various religions and cultures have tried to banish this need, but they don’t succeed.  Sigmund Freud said what we try to repress will end up being constantly  on our mind. Freud said, “repression leads to preoccupation.” Or, for Bishop Pearson, “what you resist persists, and what you fight, you often ignite.” (2010)  We simply desire what we try to repress. Eldredge felt, “people are obsessed with sex.” (2004) Repression and obsession will ultimately lead to anxiety, insecurity, fears, jealousies, loneliness, and finding a multitude of ways to displace one’s sexual need. According to Colman, “the drive to understand the mysteries of sex and to enjoy the mystery of arousal are far more powerful than the prohibitions placed on society on sexual activity.” (1975) It is not possible to repress one’s true nature or one’s sexual desires. To repress ANY facet of one’s humanity violates all other aspects of one’s humanity. To repress our sexual need, can hurt our ability to relate to others both sexually and socially. The repression of sexual feelings, I assure you will lead to all types of feelings being repressed. Repressed sexual energy will displace to emotional problems, an inability to be truly intimate with another person, a surreal fantasy sex life, excessive sexuality, obsessive sexuality, sexual abuse of others, promiscuity, and for some the tendency to sexualize just about everything. I agree with Glenn Wilson  that, “if all outlets are suppressed, many people simply become frustrated and neurotic. This was one of the great insights that made Sigmund Freud famous and may of  hastened the end of the Victorian era of  sex  repression  by making  people aware  that others were  just as  sexually preoccupied as themselves and that driving the sex instinct underground can give rise to unpleasant side effects.” (1981) In the following quote, Sigmund Freud was referring to unexpressed emotions, but he could have just as likely been referring to unexpressed sexuality:

freud - unexpressed emotions

Maturity and Balance

The Theory of Balanceology maintains that the degree of maturity and wisdom a person has in their life,  is a byproduct of the degree that person has been able to balance-out the many opposing and rivaling forces in their life. The competing forces of:  wants and needs,  me-needs and we-needs, materialism and immaterialism, work and play, work and family, short-term pleasure and long-term goals, the ups and downs in life, one’s feelings and thinking, the bad me and the good me, etc.  The mature and wise person has learned how to have a balanced outlook on life that has come from balancing-out their dualistic impulses and drives. Euripides advised that, “the best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you do that, and live that way, your are really a wise man.”

balance and anger